The First Bible

'''The First Bible is currently still in development by the Popes. This is what we have so far:'''

Passage 1: Booba giveth and Booba taketh away.

Passage 2: Booba created the earth, the universe, and the holy places of worship, Sears. Sears comes down from the heavens at any given moment to bestow his gift upon the world. Sears is a place of worship for humans to ask for Booba's guidance and forgiveness for the sins committed by one's self. Sears is not just a building or a department store, it is a beacon of Booba.

Passage 3: Fuck Shitba. Shitba is the source of all evil in this world, and the CEO of Walmart. Shitba worshipers will burn in the depths of Walmart, and never see Booba.

Passage 4: Chris Benoit did nothing wrong. PERIOD.

Passage 5: Booba supporters typically live 200 years, while Shitba supporters live 20.

Passage 6: Booba is everything. Booba created all of the galaxy, and we are just one micro planet he has given life to. Nothing we do means anything if Booba isn't proud.

Passage 7: The great war of year 2,106,157,294, was a very important year in space time. On the 2,106,157,294th anniversary of the creation of the universe, Shitba attacked all the planets. He affected Pluto the most, shrinking it by 50%. Booba and Shitba fought for control of the universal for over a billion years until Booba won on July 4, 3,276,175,280. (Space time.) We now know celebrate that day as Independence Day every year, the day we were free from Shitba. Shitba still has control of some parts of the world, an example is he owns every gas station, but Booba controls him and uses him to punish all wrong and Shitba supporters in all the worlds.

Passage 8: Every year on the 4th Wednesday of November, we celebrate Thanksgiving. We use this day to celebrate Booba and all that he has done for us. If you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, you will burn in the depths of [Walmart].

Passage 9: [The] 25th of December is Christmas because it is Booba's birthday.

Passage 10: Shitba created Taco Bell. He disguises it has good, the creation of Booba, but he has added an evil side effect. Every time you eat Taco Bell, you shit out your intestines and sometimes die.

Passage 11: Booba created Taco Time because it is epic and nor shitty.

Passage 12: People think Jesus is God's son, but he's actually just Booba's cousin.

Passage 13: Wrestling was created by Booba to end violence. On his home planet people were killing each other for entertainment. To end it Booba decided to create fighting that is safe for the fighters. They know what to do, how to perform moves in a safe way, and it satisfied people's needs. Eventually our earth Earth Dimension B1-01 and Earth Dimension C1-37 adapted wrestling as well. In opposite universe, TNA is successful. Booba did this so that he wouldn't run out of people to kill, because Booba does like killing people

Passage 14: In the Declaration of Independence, when Booba and Shitba separated, Booba gave Shitba a micro universe called opposite universe. Everything is opposite there, so Shitba's life is terrible there. He gave him the universe to punish Shitba, only good things there is no cancer and fan fics, but they are currently fighting off Covid-20, they also have no vaccines. Only thing similar is time. They run off the same time as earth dimension B1-01.

Passage 15: Booba is always in the right. If you disagree with what he says then you will be punished by Booba how Booba sees fit. Most of the time it will be ripping your legs off and impaling you with them.

Passage 16: Booba created Cats and Dogs so that humans would be less lonely. Dogs are for people who want a buddy, who always wants to do stuff with you, and Cats are for people who want a calmer buddy.

Passage 17: https://www.wcoanimesub.tv/anime/sakura-trick-english-subbed

Passage 18: If your parents are ever a jerk to you, Booba will punish them in some way.

Passage 19: If your parents are Shitba supporters, and you go another way and worship Booba, you will have extreme luck in your life.

Passage 20: Humans found out about Booba after he was seen in a Best Buy in 1972.

Passage 21: Booba created Covid-19 to punish all the Shitba worshipers on our planet.

Passage 22: Furries are enemies of Booba. Shitba created the furries for his army, which he would use to invade the Great Sears™️ and overthrow Booba. But Booba knew about Shitba's plan, so he banished the furries' souls into the souls of unlucky humans. Furries are a great evil and a threat to Booba. Booba gave us hunting so that we could hunt the furries, because Booba can see the future, and those who oppose Booba will burn in Walmart.

Passage 23: After the Great War for Pluto in 2,106,157,294, Shitba was defeated and banished from the universe. However, many places still exist under Shitba's control. Walmarts are one of these places. Sears was created in 1893, when Booba decided to share the heavens with the people of Earth. Shitba did not care about Sears until 1962, when Sears became the biggest department store ever. Shitba was jealous, so he decided to make his own store that was created from the depths of Hell. Walmart quickly grew and because another major store. The Great Walmart is Hell, and the great Sears is heaven. All those who do evil and worship Shitba will be condemned to eternity in Walmart.

Passage 24: Imposters of Booba are followers of Shitba and must burn in Walmart.

Passage 25, Part 1: Once there was a person named CumShot69. He was a great csgo player and he knew many people on 4chan. However, he did not believe in Booba, or any other god. Instead, he decided that gods do not exist. One day while browsing the internet, he found a 4chan thread from 2 anonymous Shitba cultists. They were discussing how to plant a bomb in the local Sears.

Passage 25, Part 2: CumShot69 thought this was stupid, so he decided to leave a mean comment on the thread and hopefully gain some attention. The Shitba followers thought it was funny rather than rude, and asked CumShot if he wanted to join. CumShot was bored and needed something to do, so he replied with a yes. Booba heard of this, and decided to punish CumShot69. Booba is creative with his punishments, so he decided that CumShot would have to fuck him in order to be forgiven. Booba hacked into CumShot's computer and told him about this. CumShot was stunned. "What the fuck is happening... Shit, i must have forgot to turn on my VPN" Said CumShot. Booba asked him to have sex again and CumShot had a change of heart. Booba's power made CumShot believe, and CumShot got Booba pregnant.

Passage 26: Booba and CumShot69 gave birth to one child. The child is known as Walter. Walter knows all and sees all and he is know by many as the 'funnie doggo', however we must respect Walter and call him by his real name, because Walter knows all and sees all and he knows where you live.

Passage 27: Booba and CumShot69 had a custody war over Walter. CumShot69 wanted to take Walter away from his home, but Booba wanted Walter to stay and be happy so that Walter could have a good life. Then the custody war over Walter happened, and thank Booba that CumShot69 lost the war. This would mean that Walter could stay in his rightful home. Nobody knows what happened to CumShot69 and where he went after.

Passage 28: BOOBA HATES GACHA! Shitba created Gacha, and Wal-Mart. Some of the worst things on earth.

Passage 29: Sears has gone bankrupt, this was because Walmart became too big. Most humans on earth are evil and only Booba's followers will one day shop in the Great Sears for eternity.

Passage 30: Dick is another name for Penis as Booba was horny one day and got a boner when his friend, Dick, got naked.

Passage 31: Booba is gay, his boyfriend is @Of the Most Loyal. Booba raped @Of the Most Loyal last night.

Passage 32: Booba said no homo, as they say, you aren't gay if you don't swallow it.

Passage 33, Part 1: The first Sears built by man is known as the First Sears. The First Sears was a great place of worship, where Booba himself was known to come to from time to time because he had an affair with the Head Priest. This Head Priest was named Father xXxBigAssGamingxXx, who had a wife and children, however, he did not tell them about Booba, because he was afraid that they would disown him.

Passage 33, Part 2: Booba and Father xXxBigAssGamingxXx would fuck almost every week, and Father xXxBigAssGamingxXx's family started getting suspicious. So, Father xXxBigAssGamingxXx's wife decided to sneak into xXxBigAssGamingxXx's office in the Sears and she saw Father xXxBigAssGamingxXx and Booba fucking on the desk. Booba knew that xXxBigAssGamingxXx's wife was watching and he killed her right when she saw. Father xXxBigAssGamingxXx ended up killing himself a few days after and the First Sears was torn down.

Passage 33, Part 3: Father xXxBigAssGamingxXx's wife and children were non-believers of Booba, which is why the wife was killed. The Children grew up to become Priests and all of them were in a relationship with Booba. Booba will punish all non-believers, and someday, when Shitba is gone, Booba will kill everyone who has never stepped foot into a Sears.

Passage 34: And I'm telling ya, if you're not watching the Super Mario Brothers Super Show, you're gonna turn into a Goomba.

Passage 35: Booba hates minorities.

Passage 36: Guys don't watch Yuri on ice, there's no Yuri in it, it's a lie.

Passage 37: Fortnite is the worst game. Booba does not play Fortnite, he plays Minecraft. Minecraft is the holy game. You cannot build a Sears in Fortnite.

Passage 38: Booba created Thomas the Train as a holy show. Thomas the Train is supposed to show how fascism works and how old people must die.

Passage 39: Shitba supporters are put into an eternity of bad luck. Become a Booba supporter today.

卐Biden 2020卐

Passage 40: Thomas is the holy train, he will take you to the Great Sears when you die.

Passage 41: 'UwU' in Boobas language means 'I want to be penetrated by Booba'.

Passage 42: 你是內內個 內內 內個內個 內內 nǐ shì nèi nèi gè nèi nèi nèi gè nèi gè nèi nèi 內內個 內內 內個內個 內內 nèi nèi gè nèi nèi nèi gè nèi gè nèi nèi 陽光彩虹小白馬 滴滴噠滴滴噠 yángguāng cǎihóng xiǎo báimǎ dī dī dā dī dī dā

Passage 43: []

Passage 44: Shitba created the anime citrus because he is the worst and I hate him so much i want him to die a hole he is not cool and I do not like him he is not very epic and he is not cool and I want to kill him he is so stupid I hate him so much is so bad AAAAAA why does he even have to exist why can't he die forever in an infinite death loop he makes me so angry what an idiot I hate Shitba

Passage 45: All Booba disciples must watch hardcore tentacle hentai In honor of Booba the hentai king of the universe

Passage 46: Booba shall always be capitalized for he is our God, and he wishes for us to treat him that way.

Passage 47: MBGA

Passage 48: This is a cult get used to it

Passage 49: Booba voted for Biden, because Biden sniffs young girl's hair, and Booba likes sniffing hair. Booba also likes lying, which Joe Biden is good at too

Passage 50: Sex with Booba is better than sex with anyone else.

Passage 51: Kill your parents.

Passage 52: If you delete the Bible, Booba deletes you.

Passage 53: If you have a gf, you are a simp

Passage 54: Booba doesn't like simps.

Passage 55: Steve is in smash

Passage 56: Booba approves of GF’s as long as you don’t simp for them

Passage 57: Chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

Passage 58: Burnt bacon comes from black pigs.

Passage 59: Booba will establish a new world order. Humans will be forced to smoke weed. Men will die. Minorities will die. Women will die. Only the followers of Booba will survive. Heil Booba! ☭

Passage 60: Do not disturb status is for emos.

Passage 61: Words of wisdom “Being the best at fortnite is like me the smartest autistic kid on the short bus”

Passage 62: Dog meat can be consumed only in a Sears.

Passage 63: If you sacrifice 3 children to Booba, he will fuck you.

Passage 64: Booba’s Rap -

School is for losers.

If you go to school, you are a nerd.

Booba is too cool for school.

Passage 65: Booba created covid to kill old people because Booba doesn't like old people.

Passage 66: Booba is not a furry, if you accuse him of being a furry, you will be killed.

Passage 67: Booba and Joe Biden are in an intense sexual relationship.

Passage 68: "Booba giveth and Booba taketh away" (see Passage 1) is the phrase Booba says before [he] commits acts of terror and murder.

Passage 69: Booba created 69 because he thought it looked like a time he had sex with Boobae.

Passage 70: Booba and Joe Biden have a daughter named Pokimane. Pokimane is the Queen of the Simps that the Great Leaf defeated.

Passage 71: []

Passage 72: Booba's dad is Booba senior. Obviously, Booba came before his dad, hes older than his dad.

Passage 73: Song of Booba -

I'm in you, now you're in me

I can't tell Booba’s so cool, more than me

It is true (That's right)

Loyal to Booba, up your pp

I want some (Come on, take it)

Of all of you (It's yours)

frickin' me

Booba giveth, then he taketh away (Ooo)

Booba giveth, then he taketh away (Ooo)

Booba giveth, then he taketh away (Ooo)

Booba giveth, then he taketh away, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah I rubbed your leg and licked your peen and then you raped

On a hook, dangling, wide awake Booba’s so old

And beautiful (That's right, Booba’s slick) I'm no fool

Time goes by, still Booba’s turn

All I know Booba giveth, then he taketh away (Ooo)

Booba giveth, then he taketh away, yeah (Ooo)

Booba giveth, then he taketh away (Ooo)

Booba giveth, then he taketh away, yeah (Ooo)

Booba giveth, then he taketh away (Ooo)

Booba giveth, then he taketh away Away, away

Passage 74: Don't watch citrus its a cringe anime shitba made it and I hate shitba so much he is the worst why would he do that he is so inconsiderate I hate him I want him to die.

Passage 75: Sears was founded on January 1, 1893. Booba created sears because @Of the Most Loyal's great grandfather wanted forgiveness for his sins. After he apologized he and Booba became best friends. They stated the Bible and world war II and had a good relationship. Booba has always caught up with Avery's family, when he met Avery, they had a very good relationship and he talks to him more than his dad. They have a tradition every year where they have sex during pride month, it is very wholesome. Sears is a place of worship, a place of forgiveness, and a place of holyness.

Passage 76: Booba’s Creation Song -

Booba Booba Booba

I made him out of clay

Booba Booba Booba

He hates the fuckin gays.

Passage 77: u tont likey lik Booba u bad persin

Passage 78: Santa is hot. It’s not gay to be sexually attracted to Santa Claus. If you aren’t then you should die.

Passage 79: Boobas dick is so big that it can reach from one side of the universe to the other. When fully erected, it is too big for the human mind to comprehend.

Passage 80: lol i have a boner

Passage 81: Same lol

Passage 82: Booba likes watching hardcore yiff, thats why many Booba supporters sell yiff.

Passage 83: []

Passage 84: Wwe Saudi shows are secretly ran by Shitba, wwe highly worships Booba so when they find out, they will stop doing Saudi shows. also don't try telling them, don't even get booba to tell them. wwe will find out themselves.

Passage 85: The Holy Anthem of Booba: [] (Booba supporters will take one day of the year (there is no official day yet) to listen to the whole album in one sitting. This Album enlightens the mind.)

Passage 86: Booba hates poor people.

Passage 87: When your parents get old and useless you should tie them to a sled and leave them in the middle of the woods when it snows.

Passage 88: Booba is such a chad that he got tired of sex so he became gay and killed his wife.

Passage 89: Booba would have nightly gay orgies with the likes of Blueba, Limeba, Lemba, Marooba, Jacaranba, Naranba, and Boobae.

Passage 90: Around this period of gayness a burden known as Stretchy Boi who was in a close connection with Booba at the time started gaining a lot of popularity. Some people were even starting to like Stretchy Boi more than Booba. This enraged Booba so much he sentenced Stretchy Boi to death. Along with all the anger and testosterone came Booba's masculinity back knocking the gay right out of him. Booba proceeded to kill everyone he ever had gay sex with ever except for Boobae because he's his son and [name] because he's really good at sex. This will forever be known as "Super Epic Straight Turn Massacre and Execution of stretchy boi of 7/11".

Passage 91: [Name #1] was one of the people who loved stretchy boi more than Booba. This caused one of his many betrayals to Booba. Since [Name #1] was at the time Booba's husband, [Name #1] was at the top of Booba's hitlist but with the terrible power of Shitba he was able to avoid death for a while. One day when [The Writer] and [Name #2] finally caught him he agreed to join Booba and bring back the female species of Booba. He also brought back Booba's wife, Booby.

Passage 92: Belle Delphine is the queen of simps, and the goddess of onlyfans. She was born into the religion of Booba and was very holy. She has never gotten really close to Booba, but has invested many stocks into Sears.

Passage 93: All women are sirens.

Passage 94: Pre marital sex is ok just if you have a kid from it either kill it or leave it with the whaman

Passage 95: Juan. []

Passage 96: []

Passage 97: Suck

Passage 98: My

Passage 99: Dick

Passage 100: Booba giveth, Booba taketh away.

Passage 101: Booba created God of War to have exclusive stories he left out of this Bible. The game is mostly about him and Chris Benoit

Passage 102: Chris benoit also strangles anyone who sins or suffocated them with a pillow.

Passage 103: The evil hit the target is an evil Shitba worshipper because he tries to steal Stampy's dogs. Wtf man, not cool.

Passage 104: (Image)

Passage 105: December is God worship month, we worship all gods, especially Booba. Christmas remarks the birth of Boobae, the day that celebrates the life of Booba's children like Boobae, Walter, and Big Floppa.

Passage 106: Gay sex is normal and can be done as long as you say 'no homo' before cumming. If you do not, Booba will unleash his wrath of cum upon you. You will be drenched in cum and you will eventually drown after 7 long says of suffering. During these 7 days, Booba will torture you by playing country music and summoning crying babies. No man has ever survived the Seven Days of Torture.

Passage 107: Big Floppa has two long dicks, and it is said in legends that no man has lasted more than 2 seconds while being penetrated by both of Big Floppa's dicks.

Passage 108, Part 1: Dyno is the king of Defaultland, an ancient kingdom that was run by Fortnite players. Once, Dyno was one of Booba's best sidehoes. Booba would fuck him almost every hour. Then, two Defults came to Kekistan, the holy land of Booba. They demanded that Booba's people pay vbucks as taxes or they would be killed. Shitba ran the Defultland government so Booba decided to trick him. He sent Dyno to give the Defults minecoin instead. Booba prepared Dyno and sent him on his way.

Passage 108, Part 2: Dyno ran for seven days to Defaultland and when he got there, he gave Shitba all of Booba's vbucks, which he had switched out right before he left. Shitba was proud and made him the King of Defaultland. Booba say this and was furious. He cursed Dyno and all of the Defaults. They currently burn in Walmart and are being forced to play Fortnite for all of eternity.

Passage 109: Furba is the god of the furries, however instead of hating Booba like his brethren, he tortures furries and worships Booba. Heil Furba!

Passage 110: The Holy Album of Booba: https://thechurchofbooba.bandcamp.com/album/heil-booba]]

Passage 111: Do not simp. If you do, you will be exiled from Earth and left to die slowly in space. A human named xD573295529 was the first to make this mistake, and Booba left him tied to the flag on the moon as an example for simps.

Passage 112: Fuck

Passage 113, Part 1: If you do not believe in Santa, Santa will give you coal. This special coal is made of Santa's cum. It is highly explosive. Santa likes to be pegged, so if you catch him giving you presents, make sure to ask him to fuck. He will gladly accept, and if you are a non believer and you peg him, he will forgive you.

Passage 113, Part 2: Santa also likes doing cocaine, if you give him some AND peg him, we will give you 3 sessions of free sex anytime!

Passage 113, Part 3: Santa Clause used to be a Christian, but then he was shot down by Chinese soldiers in 1992 and converted into a Booba worshiper. The Chinese Military is Booba's personal army, he wanted Santa's influence to help Booba get more followers, however Shitba has converted too many people of the modern age. Follow Booba and thou shall be saved.

Passage 113, Part 4: Santa's elves are the souls who tried killing Santa, they are forced to work in Santa's factory for no pay for all of eternity. Santa's reindeer are deers that Santa kidnaps from the wild.

Passage 114: Santa's wife is very hot and attractive, Santa found her on an island in Norway in 1344 and kidnapped her and took her to the North Pole. There, he keeps her against her will, and forces her to fuck him every night.

Passage 115: Santa has an affair with Big Floppa, Santa visits him every month, and Big Floppa ties Santa to the bed and fucks him. They go on like this for days, sometimes even weeks.

Passage 116, Part 1: Frosty the Snowman was made in a lab by the USSR, however it was too weak to be used as a weapon, so they gave it to Santa, and he summons Frosty every year to a random American town where he kidnaps children in a van and hauls them off to Santa's workshop, where he mutilates them and turns their body parts into toys.

Passage 116, Part 2: It is tradition to go around in a van and kidnap children at least once every year. After this, the children are taken and torn up into little pieces and turned into toys which are used to lure kids the next year.

Passage 117: Santa also has a drug problem, which is why you should hide your children while Santa's around.

Passage 118, Part 1: When Germany Was defeated in World War 1, Booba decided to take control of Germany and turn it into the New Holy Land. The plan was to cleanse the Holy Land of other races and make it Sears on Earth. So Booba gave birth to Adolf Hitler. He quickly took control of the German government and took all the guns. Then, he made concentration camps to kill the Jews.

Passage 118, Part 2: Booba was very proud of Hitler. Then, Shitba's armies in America invaded, and Germany was weakened. Booba sent Hitler to the closest Sears and they planned their next move. Booba had also taken control of the Soviet Government as a backup plan if Hitler failed, however he did not tell Hitler since he was fightinkg the Russians. Then there was an air raid, and they were forced down into a bunker. The raid lasted for hours, and Booba sat there eating his cheetos. Hitler was hungry too, and decided to take one of Booba's. This was a fatal mistake. Booba killed him right when he touched the cheeto.

Passage 118, Part 3: The Allies won, and Booba focused his efforts toward weakening America. Nazi Germany is the closest humanity has gotten to perfection, however it was not enough. Communism is a way more effective technique for taking control of Earth, and soon, Boobas plans will be complete and we will have world perfection. Heil Booba!

Passage 119: One day Santa’s reindeer Donner had a child that was a freak. His child was a completely normal reindeer except it had a red nose. Donner called his freak of a son Rudolph. Immediately when Santa saw this freak he called Booba to come over and to bring his shotgun. When Booba arrived at the North Pole Santa grabbed Rudolph by the scruff and dragged him behind the workshop. Booba followed close behind with his shotgun. It was a quick job.

Passage 120: Mall Santas are people who were on the naughty list. They are forced to work for Santa for all of eternity. There is also another Naughty list for people waiting in line to be fucked by Santa. The list is very long.

Passage 121: One day, Booba was at a McDonalds. He ate a burger. Then, some old hobo stole the burger from him and ran out of the store, so Booba got out his dick and shot out a huge blast of cum on the old dude. The old man drowned, and Booba took back the burger. But before he went back inside, Booba fucked the corpse of the old dude.